March 21, 2003 -- The New York Post

IN every war, a portion of the victory involves the pursuit of political leadership of the defeated side. This has been the case since before Alexander pursued the Persian emperor across half of what is now Iran . But America and the Western world have, since World War II, brought this to new heights. In Grenada , Mogadishu , Panama , Bosnia and now Iraq , early in the war the game becomes "where's the dictator?"

The troops call it "bug-hunting."

Like most military slang, the term is long on possible etymology and short on definite history. It first got used in or around Grenada , when the game of "round up the leadership" was in high gear. It assuredly refers to cockroaches, another term used the military for the targets, but one of the first serious bug-hunters told me that it definitively was related to the book "Starship Troopers," in which the alien enemy are "the bugs."

Wherever the term derives, the substance of the game is the same: Military intelligence generates a list of "critical political targets" which has a small initial distribution. Over time, the list gets copied to more and more people. And as the fighting dies down and officers and senior NCOs find themselves with less and less to do, they take up "bug-hunting." Forget the CIA: The real ground work is done by literally thousands of bored and "hungry" lieutenants, first sergeants and sergeants major running around in Humvees bribing everyone and the goats.

Like thousands of terriers set free to hunt down rats, the officers and NCOs wander the landscape poking their heads in bars, talking to shady-looking characters, wandering though bazaars and generally having great fun traveling in foreign lands, meeting new people and occasionally killing them. But it's all in a good cause and despite the mostly amateurish methodology, they bring in a steady trickle of leaders from the enemy side, which lead in turn to medals, letters of commendation and eventually promotion outside of grade.

It's the same concept as looting, but you're returning with prisoners to be converted into advancement, not booty to be converted into cash.

For a change, this is how we started the war, but it's not all that different. Somebody told somebody else that they were sure that Saddam was going to be on the corner of Jihad Avenue and Blood-On-the-Mosque Street at a certain time. So Delta Force, in a daring pre-dawn raid T, swooped down and grabbed anyone in the area that was male and had a mustache.

And when they got back they discovered that they had five money-changers, a rug-merchant and a reporter for Al-Jazeera or maybe Geraldo Rivera.

Don't worry, be happy. This will happen again and again as the "real" war progresses. Word will come that American forces have Saddam trapped then, that the wily dictator has slipped away and, last, that he was never there in the first place. Remember Panama !

It's a bug hunt. You turn on the light, the cockroaches scatter and then you hunt them down one at a time. Sometimes they get in little cracks where you can't quite hit them (the Vatican embassy). Then you have to hit the wall repeatedly until they get so shaken they stumble out where you can whack them. It takes a while and it's rarely thorough.

But just think of all the fun and entertainment it provides to our poor troops in faraway lands.

Let the bug-hunts begin.

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